For employees of multinationals, getting transferred to Russia can come with exciting business opportunities. For their spouses, the transition can be a ticket to overwhelming isolation, fear and insecurity. So argues Mary Duerksen Sklar, founder of International Family Connections, an organization dedicated to helping American families feel at home here.

Relocating an employee to Russia is a big expense for any company. But one cost that should never be spared is cross-cultural training, especially for the spouse who must tag along.

This is something I know from personal experience, and from the two years I have spent helping relocated families adjust during their difficult transition into Russian life.

Moving to Moscow, for instance, can send aftershocks rumbling through all aspects of a person’s experience — ranging from practical decisions, like finding the right kind of schooling, healthcare and housing, to more intangible problems, like battling feelings of isolation, fear, frustration and despair.

Of course, the key is to know how to dodge cultural obstacles in advance and make informed decisions. Families must discover the advantages of relocating and make the most of them. Likewise, corporations should take an active interest in making sure all a family’s needs are met, and that they do not feel completely severed from home.

There are advantages to such a strategy, to be sure. Naturally, an employee from a well-acclimated family is more likely to stay in Russia, and will work better than an employee from a family that is having trouble integrating. This is why it is not enough to offer support just at the office, or for the employee. Any approach must be holistic.

And yet, surprisingly, this is something multinationals still seem to have trouble accepting. As the Financial Times reported in an article titled "Families thwart overseas posts" late last year, "Most expatriate job assignments that fail do so because of family difficulties, but such problems are least likely to be considered by companies when they locate employees abroad, according to a survey of 100 multinational companies by William M. Mercer."

When I first moved to Moscow with my husband in 1995, I had been given only two days of cultural briefings through his company. Reflecting on that now, the advice makes for humorous memories, but it had nothing whatsoever to do with my initial success or failure to fit in.

I still remember that first day in Russia. My husband left with his driver for the office. A bit later I walked my son downstairs to meet his ride to school. I walked back up to our apartment and tried to unlock the door, but the key bent and broke off in the lock. I knew no neighbors, no phone numbers and had no knowledge of the Russian language.

Fortunately my landlord’s son was to arrive later, so I sat on the top step and waited over an hour until he rescued me. Later, I went shopping, unsuccessfully, for light bulbs that would fit in the sockets in our apartment. That evening I prepared dinner, burnt meat because the thermostat in our stove was incorrect. This was not a good introduction to my life in Russia.

However, these first few weeks are when the die is cast. Sure, a company can tell us little cultural things like on what occasions Russians expect an odd numbers of flowers and when an even number, but initially what we really need to know is where to live and why we might learn to love doing without our creature comforts.

As I have noted, the specific needs of the spouse include language acquisition, medical and dental care, housing, help with communication in the forms of e-mail, fax and long-distance services, health clubs, shopping, cultural awareness, ways to connect with other women, options for schooling and volunteer opportunities. I believe that for many spouses, volunteer work is a good step toward participating in a new community.

For the most part, this is a gender-specific problem. The employee being transferred to Russia is likely to be a man. He goes to work with experience that will go with him into the office. His job history in the West will translate into his job performance in his new country. When he goes to work he will bring knowledge to the table. He will belong; he will have support. The same cannot be said for the uprooted housewife.

Charles Butler, a sales and marketing analyst, argues that 85 percent of trailing spouses are women. He also writes that "according to a study conducted by global relocation firm Windham International and the National Foreign Trade Council, 89 percent of the expatriates have spouses."

The goal of my company, International Family Connections, is to prepare and assist American families before and during the transition period to insure a positive adjustment so as to reduce the number of turnovers often experienced during international assignments.

This is a service that is particularly useful for Americans, because the contrast in consumer culture is so great. Statistics on consumption practices are particularly revealing about how big the transitions really can be. Americans, for instance, spend more dollars on eating out than the GNP of 98 percent of the countries of the world. They spend more on trash bags than the GNP of more than 50 percent of the nations of the world. They drive cars and value independence.