Flash’s opening night seemed like a practical joke the management decided to play on the city’s ardent strip-club fans – a big, long, drawn-out joke. They started their cabaret show at about 10 p.m. and it went on for close to two hours.

Flash promised to be something new and different, real, old-fashioned cabaret with a modern twist – essentially, lots of musical performances by strippers. I thought it was supposed to be slightly higher class than usual, but basically a strip club.

However, on opening night guests had to sit through an hour of bad performances, a horrible singer, an acrobat and a very amusing magician. Not exactly what the usual cigar-smoking, cognac-sipping strip-club connoisseurs are looking for.

At first, I was hopeful. Flash has a nice location just off Pushkinskaya Ploshchad and a plush interior. The main room is a big, red hall decked out like an old theater. The "Green Room," for private dances, is cozy and there is a third room upstairs for watching movies. Supposedly, if you rent it out you can bring along your own flicks. They seemed to be avoiding the sleazy strip-club stereotype.

The waitresses dress in revealing but tasteful outfits, befitting the early 20th-century cabaret style and the service is prompt and polite. But I was a little uneasy when I noticed there was no pole on stage.

Things started off somewhat embarrassingly with a topless performance of "Be Our Guest," from Disney’s "Beauty and The Beast" soundtrack. The girls didn’t exactly dance so much march around the stage with their million-dollar smiles, while some fat man with a cigar sang the song.

Kind of hokey, but I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt – surely the stripping was going to start sometime soon, right? Wrong. Next, the man with the cigar sang Louis Armstrong’s "What a Wonderful World," in English. He managed to hit all the notes, but those English vowels completely eluded his throat. Next, some young lady performed a Jessica Rabbit song from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" Choreography is common in male striptease, but usually overlooked in clubs catering to men, except on very special occasions. I began to worry that choreographing their routines might be too complicated and slow for male viewers to pay attention. Also, Jessica left her clothes on.

In fact, it wasn’t until the end of the evening that the stripping actually began. In the meantime, the audience suffered through an appalling performance of "Mustang Sally," a boring acrobat and countless dance routines that did not involve any full frontal nudity, a big black mark in the strip-club world and a dangerous move.

I liked the idea of adding a little variety to a strip club, but I am sad to say Flash added a bit too much and the man with the cigar has got to go. It’s not cheap either. Only imported beer is available on the menu and prices weigh in at 150-260 rubles a bottle. The wine and cocktails are pricey, too. The menu looked good, but again was expensive and had lots of sophisticated tidbits like escargot. You can get a "Flash steak" for 590 rubles.

If the club tones down its cabaret performances and includes more actual stripping, then it may have a bright future. The young ladies may not be the greatest dancers, but they have plenty of other valuable and worthy assets. On the other hand, they may have finally created a strip club you can bring your girlfriend to.