Go to work (or university). Go home. Make a frozen pizza. Watch TV. Go to bed. Repeat. Yes, my friend, that is what I call "the rut." And if you get in this perilous rut, you are guaranteed to end up pudgy, round, and finally your body will succumb to atrophy. Oh yes, your future’s so dark, you’ve got to wear night-vision goggles.

Now I bet your chunky booty’s complaining, "Oh yeah Knox, if only I was rich and good-looking like you, then I’d be able to join one of those fancy gyms…" OK, I understand your concerns, everything is much easier when you’re very, very good-looking and have a fat cash stash, but you don’t need money to have a stunning physique, although good genes from your parents help. But anyway, what I’m saying, is that there is a way to avoid that grimy, scabby rut that looms in your future before it gulps you up like you and that Snickers bar breakfast.

The solution: Evening walks. Think about it, summer is here (at least according to the calendar), which means the days are longer and the nights are shorter, thus, giving you ample time to come home, cook an actual meal (i.e. nothing labeled "Heat for 12 minutes or until cheese melts") and hit one of the following places for a brisk, evening walk, or if you’re swift and agile like me, a nighttime jog.

Sokolniki Park

If you live in the northeast, Sokolniki Park is the place for you. This sprawling green area offers numerous paths for you to casually stroll your jiggly gluts into shape or trounce those pounds out of you on a quick jog. Sokolniki Park is also pretty crowded in the early evening. So if you have the patented Overstreet charm or some cute dimples, you can impress the passersby with your healthy new attitude and make a date to ride the Ferris wheel after your workout.

Kolomonskoye Park

If you live in the south, one of the places you must go is Kolomonskoye Park. While you’re waddling through this park’s plethora of earthy trails, make sure to take a breather and look around at Mother Nature’s lifeblood: a beautiful mix of rare and common Russian plants, trees and wildlife. This park offers a variety of hills for you to run up or down depending on your fitness level. I always run up, of course.

Park Pobedy

For those of you who live in the west, Park Pobedy should be your workout place du jour. Park Pobedy’s special feature, of course, is the hundreds of stairs. I think you see where I’m going with this: Bring your boombox and get a friend to come with so (s)he can push play when you turn the corner and you can bust out your best Rocky when "Chariots of Fire" breaks out. Don’t forget to put on a dirty, gray sweatsuit to really get the feeling.

Botanichesky Sad

If you live in the north, make a quick trip to Botanichesky Sad where you will find a virtual Nature’s wonderland. Don’t worry if it’s closed, the fences are very, very easy to get through (even if you’re flabby and feeble). I once saw an entire family break through the bars, grandma, baby and all! Like many of Moscow’s parks, the trails are littered with old candy wrappers and soda bottles. Look away! Don’t give into those cravings!

Tsaritsino

OK, Tsaritsino is kind of a way’s out there in the south, and yes, it has the potential to be quite scary if you end up here after dark. But it also makes for some fun in that lovely Blair Witch sort of way, meaning, you’ll feel as if you’re actually in the wilderness opposed to that bustling Moscow metropolis we call home. If you go here, however, make sure to wear a comfortable pair of hiking or running shoes, as the trails are rugged and unpaved. And beware of the strange military base on site – run the other way.

Vorobyovy Gory (Sparrow’s Hills)

Made famous in Bulgakov’s masterpiece "The Master and Margarita," Vorobyovy Gory is a great place to enhance your literary mind and physique. Even if you’re a very well-read gentleman like myself, you will revel in this parks natural beauty and inherent charm. So after a stupid drunken night, smarten up here, both physically and mentally.