Living in Russia can take its toll on your waistline. I’m saying this as a pal, but I’ve noticed you’re getting a bit flabby; a little jiggly, if you will. Really, I’d say you have a little too much junk in your trunk. But don’t worry! I have a few helpful hints about how to shape up in Moscow. Take advantage of the city and make the world a more beautiful place by getting rid of your monster thighs.

Walk up the metro escalators

OK, I know what you’re thinking, "Knox, you’re so well-to-do! Why would you ever trade in the keys to your Benz for a metro ticket?" Rest assured, Overstreet still rides in style, but I, too, sometimes like to connect with the masses on the PT. And good thing, because I discovered a key component of keeping fit in Moscow: Walking up the metro escalators! Yes, my friends, it sounds absurd, but trust me, your ass will be so much firmer. The escalator has the same effect as those expensive stairmasters you could be wasting your money on in the gym, but for none of the cost! However, you obviously won’t find the light, fresh and air-conditioned atmosphere that you would in the gym, so be prepared: It’s hot and stuffy and the stench of B.O. is pungent enough to make you wish you didn’t have that damn sense of smell. Curb your own B.O. and sweat-factor by going extra heavy on the anti-perspirant and wearing light, cotton clothing. Climb up any circle line or downtown metro station and you’ll tone up fast, not to mention get to your destination quicker.

Walk up stairs

This is pretty much along the same lines as the escalator workout, but with less smell. Unfortunately, when you lose the smell, you also lose some of the difficulty level and thus, your results will come slower. The stairs in your school, office or apartment building are not spaced as far apart as those on the metro escalators, so you will have to climb about twice as many to get the same benefit. Even though I live in a very elite residential complex, I choose to jog up the stairs every day after closing a lucrative business deal. Luckily, I also have a nice Jacuzzi to relax in after my jaunt. However, even if you’re not as nimble or prosperous as I, you still have the luxury of jumping into a cool shower, which will surely revitalize your system and improve the sheen of your hair.

Lose the liquor and drink water

I’m generally a follower of the no-liquor policy in this country because it’s so hard to find Cristall here (and I’m not talking about the vodka). Luckily, I’ve never been one for vodka. However, I know maybe 50 percent of you came to Russia to fulfill all your vodka fantasies, but it’s time to jump on the proverbial wagon. Alcohol causes you to retain water, which, in turn, causes you to look fatter, and trust me, no one wants to see that. So put down the Gzhelka and for God’s sake, put down that beer! That has even more calories! Instead, reach for that clear, detoxifying, refreshing water. And even though I’m strictly Evian, you can try the following brands of bottled water if you’re on a budget: Cristaline. Saint-Springs, Roca, Water Blue, Aqua Minerale and Bon Aqua

Lose the mayo

Yes, you’re in Russia and Russians generally adore mayonnaise. Why? God only knows… But anyway, when you’re out at a restaurant simply avoid salads like Olivia and the like and turn to salads with fresh veggies. However, Russia is tricky: Sometimes things that sound like they wouldn’t have any mayo are doused in it. For example, a friend of mine order a tomato and mozzarella cheese sandwich with basil the other day and it came with Russia’s favorite condiment – three tons of mayo. How do you avoid this situation? Ask the kitchen to lay off the mayo! Learn this phrase and use it: "Pozhalista, bez mayoneza" (Please, without mayonnaise).
What about asking for other dressings on the side? Well, unfortunately, it’s simply not done. According to my Russian friends, there’s no simple phrase like "on the side" in Russian that will be understood in a restaurant. Luckily, I don’t really have this problem because I have my own personal chef who is privy to my personal eating intricacies. But if you don’t have your own chef, you’ll just have to be more careful with what you order. Or, if you’re up to it, cook your own meals! Now there’s a novel idea!